Hello my sweets,
As many of you are aware, I had lost my mother at the age of 16 two days before Christmas in 2011. One little piece of information I have left out was that few months later after my mom’s passing, I was not expecting to receive the news that would change my life forever.
I was in denial that I was 11 days late on my period-I’m never late, 28th day of each month for 5 days! This routine has been apart of my life since I was 12 years old and all of a sudden it wants to do something out of the ordinary and not arrive on time! It was out of ordinary and it definitely made me raise an eyebrow.
The thought of pregnancy was at the very bottom of the list, I was going through a lot during that time frame anything could’ve been the cause of my period being late.
- Excessive exercise.
Stress had to be the cause of my late period right? I mean sure my boyfriend and I were “knocking boots” the month prior (Sorry, TMI) and sure I read online that after day 3 of a late period that’s a tell sign you’re pregnant. But you don’t believe everything you read on the internet right? I was a rock stuck in a hard place.
Yet, it made sense why I went with stress as my reason for my late period, I was still grieving my mom’s death. But taking a pregnancy test wouldn’t hurt right? So I thought, I’ll never forget the day I was sitting on the bathroom floor shocked after tearing through 3 boxes of positive pregnancy test of any brand you could think of! I was definitely pregnant and the thought that I couldn’t tell my mom, broke my heart into pieces.
After my mother’s death I was certain I was going to conflict self harm or even worse. I couldn’t face the truth, that the one person I need the most in my life is gone. However, the reality of me becoming a mother hit me hard, once a heartbeat was discovered stronger than ever at my scheduled doctor’s appointment later that week. It’s not about me anymore. Regardless of how I was feeling or thinking, I had a baby that needs their mother just like how I need mine. I refuse to put my child(ren) through the emotions and pain I was experiencing from losing my mom. I had to get up and learn how to support and be a mother to my own child, and I had no clue where to begin or who to go too.
I went with my instincts and hoped for the best.
January 6, 2013 at 10:06 pm, I was greeted by a 6 pounds 1 ounce, 19 1/2 inches long baby girl that I named Adrienne. (I got her name from Adrienne Bailon from Cheetah Girls.)
It seemed as if Earth stopped spinning, and everything slowed down once our eyes met with one another’s for the very first time. Once they laid her on my chest, first thing I thought was “Your the little ham that refused to move your foot away from my ribs all these months!”. Haha
It was if all my fears, worries and concerns we’re gone. I fell in love the second I laid my eyes on her coming out the womb.(Yes, I watched through a mirror and it was gross but very beautiful thing to watch.)
Whenever the nurses cleaned her up and family and friends departed after welcoming the newest arrival to the family. I was nervous but ecstatic to have some alone time with my bundle of joy.
We would stare at each other for hours, nothing could break our concentration. Then one day something went off in my head-I played a part in creating this little human, which gave me a superior feeling that I am strong and can do anything as long as I put my mind to it and never give up.
My daughter is now 4 and from that day forward, I thank my daughter for saving my life. The day I discovered I was expecting, was the day Adrienne became top priority in my life, she was my responsibility. I had to protect, love, guide and shelter her, and what better person to take on that huge responsibility than your mom?
My daughter changed me in so many ways, one day I was knocking on the Grim Reaper’s door begging him to take me away from all my problems. Now the thought of my children and I separate for any reason makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Thank you so much Adrienne and Carter for being the piece that filled the empty space in my heart. Mommy will always love you!
Until next time!
XOX – Aneesha.